new day..?

few mOnths agO...i thOught i have started a new day...with new visiOns..new attitude..new perspective.. i just thOught...that didnt happen the way i want it tO be.. i'm still the same.. i dOnt want tO be the same..i want tO get rid Of all the bad things in my mind,my head and my heart! i prayed a lOt..i knOw Allah S.W.T will hear me sOoner Or later..i want tO change! fOr the better!

but i realized i cant dO that On my Own..i need at a hand..tO hOld On tO me whenever i lOst my grip...still cOuldnt find One thOugh..dOing this all alOne is very hard..very hard...Owhh nO Allah please help me gOing thrOugh all this...i never wanna die withOut ur fOrgiveness... this time.. i really really wanna dO it right..! if Only all my friends wOuld have guts enOugh tO at least tell me what have i dOne wrOng...what shOuld i dO tO fix things up..urghhhhhhh im sO messed up!

(x.x)

"my day spOilt...

i'm nOt happy...

my life sucks...

all bcOz Of YOU!!!"

u may nOt remember...
but u've said all Of these...
i wOnt fOrget...

T.T

i wanna cry...

if being lOud...

first Of all i wOuld like 2 say im really sOrry...

fOr what i've dOne Or what i may have dOne...

i dOnt knOw where i went wrOng but that's what i heard..

~i did sumthing that might make Others dislike me, avOid me Or in Other wOrd HATE me..

here i gO.....

if being lOud...

makes each One Of u feel annOyed, irritated,

then im sOrry...

if being lOud...

makes u feel ashamed Of me,

then im sOrry...

if being lOud...

makes u angry,

im sOrry...

if being lOud...

makes u wanna bad-mOuthing bOut me,

im sOrry...

if being lOud...

makes u wanna avOid me,

im sOrry...

if being lOud...

makes u dOnt wanna be friends wif me..

then im really sOrry...

but what shOuld i dO..??

that's whO i am frOm the very beginning..

Owhh Of cOurse i will try my best tO change ~at least a bit~ but then what's the pOint if the changes will Only transfOrm me intO sumthin else..nOt ME anymOre...

~dat's scarrrrry~

hOwever it's scarrrrier tO think bOut what dO peOple think bOut me fOr being me...(which is very lOud Of cOurse)...

sO Once again friends....

i'm really really extremely sOrry if my LOUDNESS makes u feel uncOmfOrtable, annOyed Or whatsOever huhh...

i'll try my best tO reduce my "VOLUME" in certain circumference...

eg: fOrmal event etc...

hOwever friends...

dO nOt expect me tO change just because i'm afraid Of lOsing "fake friends"...

thOse are nOt friends..they Only knOw hOw tO critic and knOw nOthing bOut fixing..~even their very Own weakness~

sO,im nOt gOnna waste my time wOrrying bOut thOse peOple...

im cOol...just being ME! XP

p/s:thnx thOse whO always stand by me...! >.<

SILENCE

when sOmeOne remains silent, well let say fOr at least half an hOur..we can make a few assumptiOns that he/she might:

~wanna cOncentrate On what he/she is dOing..

~STRICTLY dOn't wanna talk tO sumOne else..

~wanna be alOne..

~dOn't want 2 be disturb

~having a rOugh day..

hOwever, On certain circumstances, he/she whO remains silent might:

~ lOnging 4 sOmeOne 2 pamper him/her..

~wanna talk 2 sumOne called "a friend"..

~ wanna scream,laugh Or dO anything fun fOr that mOment..

~be waiting 4 sumOne 2 cheer him/she up..

sO let us think...

there is nO One whO suddenly remain silent fOr nO reasOn...

which One cOuld it be...??

"da gila agaknyaa....."

aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!!!!

saya dah gila!!!

gila apa???!!!

gila maen gemmm laaa....!!!

xdakk Owg swOhh maennn pOnnn!

tp sindri yg nakkk!!

fiuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

tp rsa lega..! sbb dpt rsa blk passiOn terhadap sesuatu!

waaaaaaaaaaakaka!

apa hang merepek ni haa..??

kalO gila nak stadi xpa gak..

waaahaha!

-THE END-

tOot..tOot..tOot... ~discOnnected~~

i guess tOday wud b the biggest part Of my breakdOwn thrOughOut the whOle experience bein here in 4-seasOned land Of kOrea...as i wOke up in the mOrning...i knew sumthin wasn't rite..i felt like sumthin was hitting my head...hurts badly...dats why i didnt get up directly..i cOntinued watching an english fairy tale mOvie On yOutube which i cOuldnt finshed last nite..didnt feel like mOving frOm my bed...i cOntinued watchin the mOvie until...until..until One phOne call reached me...askin me 2 get dressed n b ready..i tOt.."wat??"...then another phOne call..One after anOther..

im nOt really gOin 2 talk bOut the phOne calls actually..cOz sum1 might as well get hurt..

after i deal wif all the calls..i realized sumthin really was wrOng wif my bOdy..i started 2 feel excessive pain in the head,my eyes started 2 burn as if im staring at the pc mOnitOr withOut blinking,and my thrOat hurts like sumthin stuck tO it..the flOor Of my rOom was burning hOt yet i still felt freezing cOld..wats wrOng wif me? dis might just be the heavy heavy heavy highhhhhh fever~~i tOt...

while having lOng nice warm shOwer,i started 2 tink bOut my ibu..hOw she wud b very wOrry everytime i fall sick..and hOw my abah wud seek every remedy in the wOrld tO cure me.. ~Owhh hOw much i miss u bOth~~

One Once said.. "nOpe..dOnt call ur mOm if u r sick..u wud make her wOrry..really wOrry..n dat is nOt gOod.."

but hOw..? i never hide anythin frOm her..i need her mOre nOw then ever.. T.T

then i asked One Of my best fellOw..wat shud i dO..and he said.."gO ahead..call her.."

and i did..! hOw i felt sO much better after hearing her vOice sayin dat bOth Of them r dOin just fine..n abOut 2 hav lunch with sambal tumis...my favOurite!

One Once said, "u can tell me everything...dO nOt hide,please..im willing 2 listen.."

but wat shud i dO if everytime i tell him sumthing,thOse wOrds dat he dOesnt want tO listen,wud pissed him Off..?wat shud i dO if wat i tOld him will finally turns intO screaming n yelling..? dat aint sOunds gOod isnt it..? sO dats why i rather say "nOpe..nOthin..im fine" everytime he demands me tO say sumthin..

n tOday..yes im nOt fine..yess finally i fall sick..yess maybe..just maybe..i fall sick Of dehydratiOn due tO the excessive excretiOn Of water..frOm where it shOuldnt...