just the two of us

Bismillah,
kembali bercuti di kampung *kampung la sangat*
will be spending the whole Ramadan with beloved mother
just the two of us
kakak memang ada datang setiap hari, yang lain juga selalu call, atau fb
but it is literally just the two of us
owhh tipulah kalau cakap hati tak sebak
kali terakhir Ramadan di rumah, dua tahun lepas,masa tu abah sihat lagi
nak makan apa saja, InsyaAllah setiap petang abah belikan
kalau tak banyak, satu, tetap dia akan bawa balik
jangan salah sangka
saya bukan merintih atau menyesal, jauh sekali tidak redha
saya cuma teringat, terkenang, rindu
sumpah tiada langsung imej abah ketika sakit
yang selalu bermain di fikiran hanyalah dirinya saat masih gagah ke sana sini dengan kereta 'legend'nya *hahah*

ya mungkin, mungkin inilah juga sebabnya Dia tak izinkan saya berjumpa dengannya di saat-saat akhir
kerana saya tidak kuat
bayangkan kalau setiap hari asyik teringat keadaan abah sebelum dia pergi,
saya tidak kuat macam itu, tak boleh :(

hidup perlu diteruskan,seiring dengan doaku kepada abah :)

this..is..simply..brutal

Bismillah,
2012 has not come to its end yet it has brutally hurt me leaving bruises and scars everywhere
Everything, literally everything was in a pile of mess, causing a sudden rush of pain suffocates me to death
I cried helplessly for Allah to show me the answer to every questions puzzling in my head tangling my thoughts,
I asked Him to at least ease my pain
This year has been really tough
I thought i could live through it swiftly, l was wrong.. I can only hold on together just enough so that my family back home could see I'm doing fine, whether or not it is true

It was never been easy for me
I got angry, I started blaming everything but myself, I thought that nothing is fair for me, I thought I deserved better
Yea, that is not what a proud Muslim does
O Allah, forgive me for that ㅜㅜ
But I know YOU will also understand, it has never been easy for me

"HE wants you to remember HIM, always"
That is why he keeps me wondering,not giving me the answers now doesn't mean HE totally ignores me
"HE gave whatever you need,not what you wanted"
So he gave me this trial,a boost,so that i will work harder
That's me,trying to reasoned myself

it has never been easy for me, though